Mary's Pillars of Joy
May we know Mary's humor, acceptance and compassion this Advent week of Joy
In yesterday’s reflection we heard from the first chapter of the gospel of Luke, the setting for Mary’s song. We learned that Mary has just navigated the dangerous hill country around Galilee to get to Elizabeth and Zechariah’s house. Mary knows the world is not always a hospitable place for one bringing peace and joy. And still she sings of what it means to see God in the world. She sings with joy about signs of what God does in the here and now, and what God will do in the coming of Jesus.
“The Book of Joy” by Douglas Abrams documents a conversation between the His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu on the meaning of joy. At the time, the two older men were meeting to celebrate the Dalai Lama’s 80th birthday. Pictures throughout the book illustrate their mutual joy in one another’s company. They touch, they tease, they eat, drink and dance together. They are filled with joy. [1]
Like Mary, the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu also knew that this world is not always hospitable place for those bringing peace and joy. The Dalai Lama has spent the past 60 years in exile from his home in Tibet. He longs to go home and grieves for his people who have experienced terrible persecution. At the same time he lives with joy.
During his lifetime, Archbishop Desmond Tutu also experienced suffering for himself and for his people. Tutu’s people’s land was taken and occupied by the Dutch and the British during colonization and they were forced into servitude. And during his childhood, Tutu’s family was forced to move many times. The Archbishop was a spiritual leader of the black people of South Africa as they fought apartheid and worked for majority rule. Even as that goal has been accomplished, many black South Africans still live in poverty and suffering. Yet, until his death in 2021, Archbishop Tutu also lived with joy.
These two wise men talk of 8 pillars of joy: perspective, humility, humor, acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, compassion and generosity. These are the pillars that enable all people to experience joy, even in places of suffering. In Abram’s book, the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu exude the pillar of humor. It seems that they are always laughing. It may seem that humor is inappropriate when people are suffering, but the Archbishop said that it is actually helpful.
During the most violent times in South Africa’s struggle, Tutu would conduct funerals for the people who had been killed by police. There were hundreds of people in attendance – this was the only kind of gathering that was permitted. And so funerals also became political rallies. In order to contain the anger and grief, Tutu would use humor. With the police waiting just feet away, he would tell a joke at his own expense to defuse the tension. [2] Doug Abrams recalls a Mexican shaman who said “that laughing and crying are the same thing - laughing just feels better.” [3]
Laughing in times of grief is entirely appropriate. In every funeral I have presided, family members have included some kind of humor in their eulogies. In my own family we cry for the loved one we have lost, of course. And yet we also remember the funny things: their quirks and idiosyncrasies that made them human.
Joyful humor is never mean. And yet those who are oppressed will find humor in lampooning the high and mighty. And so, Mary declares, “God has brought down the powerful from their thrones.” The high and mighty are the people who take themselves too seriously. They are brought down by a joke: God coming into the world in such a way that the mighty king Herod does not even notice.
Imagine Mary and Elizabeth’s laughter as the two pregnant women greet one another: an elderly first time mom and a young unmarried woman. They secretly contain revelations of God’s great joy for the world within their bodies. This is God’s joke for humanity.
Another pillar of joy is acceptance. The Dalai Lama quotes the 8th century Buddhist monk, Shantideva, who said “Why be unhappy about something if it can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy if it cannot be remedied?” [4]
Abrams points out that acceptance is not resignation and defeat, it is the opposite. The two older men’s “activism [for peace comes] from a deep acceptance of what is.” Archbishop Tutu “did not accept the inevitability of apartheid, but he did accept its reality.” Abrams says “We cannot succeed by denying what exists. The acceptance of reality is the only place from which change can begin.” [5]
Acceptance of “what is” is one of the gifts of Advent. Acceptance allows us to move on to fullness of joy. Mary gave her consent to the Angel Gabriel. She accepted the calling to birth the savior. The joy of her acceptance shines through her song: “God has looked with favor on the lowliness of God’s servant. Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed.”
Some say Mary did not know what was ahead. They say she did not know what Jesus’ ministry would look like. She did not know that his preaching, healing and speaking the truth in love would lead to his crucifixion. These people seem to believe that Mary was joyful because of her ignorance.
I beg to differ. I believe that she knew all of it and more. I believe that Mary suffered with Jesus all his life, even going to the cross to watch him die. “Suffer with” is the meaning of compassion, another pillar of joy. That is what mothers do. They suffer with their children.
As the Dalai Lama says, we learn compassion from the people who nurture us, most often our mothers. Jesus was a most excellent example of compassion, he surely learned that from Mary. It’s not surprising that Mary expresses this pillar of joy, particularly for the poor and lowly who are lifted up in God’s presence.
And so today, as week approach the Advent Sunday of joy, we are invited to become filled with joy. As we contemplate what God is calling us to in this time and place, may we embrace humor, acceptance, and compassion.
We are encouraged to fill ourselves up with humor, to look for the absurdities in this world, the jokes God is playing on us. We are encouraged to anticipate the toppling of the pompous and haughty. Maybe it will get us through the holiday dinners with that bombastic person who knows best. In our families, among our friends, and in our communities of faith, may we ponder our own quirks and idiosyncrasies. May we laugh with one another and with God.
And, as we approach Joy Sunday, we are also invited to practice acceptance. Perhaps we will look on that family member or that friend, that co-worker or classmate, who rubs us up the wrong way, with kindness. And accept.
Above all, though, this week of Advent, we are invited to practice compassion. To “suffer with” does not sound joyful until we remember that it is our separation from one another that brings us pain.
And so may we pray:
Holy One,
This Advent season, and this week before the Sunday of joy, may we have compassion for bombastic leaders who live joyless lives.
May we have compassion for the poor of the world, who are to be lifted up.
May we have compassion, too, for ourselves.
May we treat ourselves and one another kindly this season, understanding the tenderness many of us feel this time of year.
Lead us, we pray, to marvel and sing at what you have done, in our lives, in our families, in our communities, and in our world.
Holy One, remind us of the great joy that you take in us.
And so may we sing, and dance, and laugh out loud for joy this holy season.
Amen
[1] His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Archbishop Desmond Tutu with Douglas Abrams, The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World, (New York: Penguin Random House, 2016)
[2] Ibid., 17
[3] Ibid., 216
[4] Ibid., 223
[5] Ibid., 224-225